Jane says the birth of her second baby, Lily, was ‘a healing and very redemptive birth experience’. ‘My first baby was born with a classic cascade of interventions, I was left feeling disappointed, sad and overwhelmed in the postpartum period, along with a sense of “not being able to do it”,’ Jane wrote to Rhea. ‘I withdrew my interest in the birth world for nearly three years until I found myself pregnant again. I then found your work.’ Here, Jane shares more about her experience.
What was your intention for your labour and birth?
I wanted a calm, instinct-led birth, free from unnecessary interventions. I knew birth could be tough, but I believed I could handle it. I felt really clear: I wanted to stay home as long as possible, to surrender to the process, and to feel powerful and supported. My intention wasn’t a soft wish, I held onto it with both hands. I’d had a traumatic first birth, and I was determined to do everything I could to avoid that experience again.
Did you feel supported by those around you in your intentions? What about the wider culture?
My husband was completely on board. I even wrote him a list of how to support me through every phase. He knew how important it was for me to feel in control and uninterrupted. I felt like I did the majority of the work on my own, which for me felt natural. To be alone, safe, in control was important. Wider culture support… not so much. It’s hard to find true respect for physiological birth in the medical system (and I am a nurse!) and because Lily was due near Christmas, I couldn’t find a midwife. I had to go with obstetric care, which wasn’t what I wanted. But in the end, I had a lovely midwife who just held space beautifully, and the obstetrician didn’t even make it.
How did you come to Rhea’s birth preparation?
When I fell pregnant again, I knew I needed something different. I think I first heard Rhea talk on a podcast. I had disengaged from the birth world after my first baby because it had left me feeling defeated. Then I found Rhea’s work, and it spoke directly to something deep in me, the part of me that knew I was still capable, still strong.
What was your biggest ‘aha’ moment you had in your birth preparation?
That I had permission to be primal. That pain could be power and that yes there would be pain! That I wasn’t fragile, I was fierce. I could roar, groan, laugh, cry – whatever I needed to do to get my baby here. Rhea’s honesty was such a contrast to the more polished calm birth messaging. I’d done that too, and while I took things from it, Rhea’s voice felt more real. She wasn’t selling me an easy birth, she was reminding me that I was strong enough for a hard one.
Did you make any changes to your plans or attitude as a result of learning from Rhea’s work?
Yes, I let go of needing a ‘perfect’ setup and focused more on how I would protect my mindset. I couldn’t have my ideal continuity model due to timing and staffing, but I still wrote out my needs clearly and made sure my husband could advocate for me. I also completely rewired how I saw the sensations of labour, instead of fearing the intensity, I leaned into it. I resisted the pain in my first birth, I welcomed it like an old friend for Lily’s.
How did you go into labour?
I went into spontaneous labour on my due date, went to bed and woke up with things progressing. I spent the day at home, in the sun, eating watermelon, having baths, using a TENS machine when it got more intense. My little boy massaged my back through contractions. It built slowly, and around 5pm things shifted and my husband made the call to head to the hospital.
How did the labour unfold?
It was honestly everything I had hoped for. I laboured at home all day. When I got to hospital around 6pm, I was 3–4cm, and that could have thrown me, especially because that was exactly where things started going wrong in my first birth. But I stayed grounded. I got into the bath, onto the gas, and just let go. Around 8pm I had a huge contraction and said, “I’ve had enough, maybe I’ll just go home.” My midwife knew exactly what that meant, she quietly said, “Jane, I think you’re about to have a baby.” Lily was born in the water ten minutes later. We were home in bed by 11pm.
Did you experience a ‘crisis of confidence’?
Sort of, but I knew it was coming. I even wrote in my birth plan to my husband that I’d probably say, ‘I can’t do this anymore’ and that would mean the baby was close. So when I hit that point, I recognised it for what it was and didn’t let it throw me. My team, especially my midwife, just held the space quietly and respectfully.
Was this labour and birth an empowering experience for you?
Without question. It was healing, redemptive, and transformative. I didn’t feel like I was being ‘managed’ I felt like the centre of it. I felt proud. I felt like a goddess, like I’d reclaimed something I lost during my first birth. Lily’s birth changed who I am as a woman, and I can’t wait to one day share the story with her so she knows what she’s made of.
Anything else you’d like to add?
Birth doesn’t need to be polished to be powerful. I moaned, I swore, I laughed, I let the water hold me. It was real and raw and completely mine. And that made all the difference.
Were Rhea’s books or workshop part of your birth preparation? Share your story here. We would love to hear from you!
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