In this message to me, Lauren shares the deeply moving story of the birth of her daughter at home. Lauren went into labour spontaneously at home at 40+3 weeks. ‘My intention was for a birth without intervention, and I did everything in my power to make that happen,’ she says. ‘I did a lot of research and worked to break down any fears I had. I built a relationship of trust with my midwife and knew that if we needed to transfer, then she would advise in a respectful way. I knew that I had full support and belief from my partner. Those were the things I felt I could control or influence before the birth… I did my due diligence!’
Lauren wrote to me:
Birth With Confidence most definitely did help me bring my beautiful girl into the world!
After reading an interview with you in Dumbo Feather magazine I purchased the book through your website early in 2014 and read it straight away. I had been with my partner for a couple of years and we were engaged. It felt like the right time to start a family – something I’d always wanted to do. I wanted to experience birth naturally, without anything in between me and my baby. Unfortunately in September that year my best friend passed away. We had known each other since we were six years old and loved each other very much. I started a long journey of emotional healing and my dreams of starting a family were put on hold.
I found out I was pregnant at the end of 2023, and told my partner on New Year’s Day; 2024 was going to be our year! Reading Birth With Confidence helped me to understand that planning for a homebirth would give me the best chance at having an unmedicated labour and birth without intervention. I had hoped I could find a place in a midwifery group practice program, but when I found out that our local hospital didn’t offer MGP, I started the search for a private midwife. Finding our midwife Lena was amazing, and I can’t advocate enough for expecting mothers to have continuity of care throughout their pregnancies. Over the course of my pregnancy (which thankfully, was largely uncomplicated) we built trust, understanding and respect. I also read Beyond the Birth Plan and Ina May Gaskin’s books and attended a hypnobirthing course with my partner. He was in full support of my choices which was reassuring and empowering.
In the days leading up to her birth, I had been having what I described as ‘tightenings’ which were eventually accompanied by some crampy sensations. We sent Lena a text and started timing surges around midday, and she advised me to rest if I could, relax and keep moving. As the surges became closer together and intensified we requested that Lena join us. She arrived at about 6pm and used the doppler to listen to baby’s heartbeat, and let us know that everything was on track. I was feeling calm and safe and I think that hearing this was the final piece of assurance I needed to turn off my ‘thinking brain’ and fully surrender. While Lena was inflating the birth pool I heard her turn it off so she could listen to the new sounds I was making. This was a little clue I had as to how far along we were – I’m thankful that there was no discussion about dilation or anything technical – this clue was all I needed. Our second midwife Ellissa arrived and I entered the birth pool and the transition phase. I remember the feeling of the water and being amazed at how perfect the temperature was. My partner had been close to me the entire time, offering water and helping me to focus on breathing when things intensified. At 9:30pm our beautiful little girl was born with her hand above her head, and her amniotic sac broke as she entered the world. I lifted her out of the water and on to my chest, and Lena pulled what was left of the membranes from her face. Her beautiful little face! I moved to the side of the birth pool so she and her dad could meet. We were overjoyed, elated, relieved and so thankful to our midwives for their expertise, calm attention and care. It was pure love!
Grace was born just hours before the 10-year anniversary of my best friend’s passing. This miraculous timing and symbolic exchange of energy has empowered me in ways I can’t describe. In becoming a mother I left behind old emotions to make way for new ones. I will always be grateful to you Rhea for your work, and to all the midwives who believe in women and the power of birth without intervention.
Lauren told me that she ‘had a few negative responses to our plan to birth at home (“you know it hurts, right?” and “have you heard of shoulder dystocia?” and the classic “what if something goes wrong?”)’ but said she had done enough research to know how to respond to those comments.
‘My favourite response was from my Dad, who said “we were all born at home,” referring to himself and his nine brothers and sisters.’
Of her choice to birth at home, Lauren said: ‘When I read Birth With Confidence, the whole thing was an “aha” moment! My Auntie birthed my five cousins vaginally in hospital (including one set of twins), and my Mum had a VBAC with my brother after a breech/caesarean birth with me. I knew these births were possible, but I didn’t realise how many potential barriers/interventions that would most likely be in a hospital setting.’
Reading the book also influenced an important decision: Before reading Birth With Confidence I thought that I would like to have my Mum at my birth as we are quite close and she is a big support person in my life. I realised that she isn’t someone who would be able to handle seeing me in pain, and would be quick to advocate to relieve that pain. (For the record, the sensations I felt during labour were extremely intense, but I wouldn’t describe them as painful.)’
After her birth experience Lauren had this advice for anyone who might feel that grief or other emotional wounds could stand in the way of the birth they want: ‘Do some work beforehand to honour your grief and find a place for it. Know that during your birth, if you trust in your body and your baby they will guide you, and everything else will slip away.’
